Calming the Anxiety

I have managed to squat in my apartment for one more night but will have to get up early in the next morning, way before the sun comes up to discard the rest of my belongings and head on out. As the time grows nearer for me to vacate, for some reason I am becoming increasingly more anxious. I am pretty sure that it is my mind playing tricks on me, creating any possible negative scenario that could happen to me.

I am learning to calm these feelings and think only positively and adventurously instead. I do, however, have to admit that it is not an easy task by any means. When my fear and worry and my own perceived loneliness overwhelms me, I reassure myself that while what I am about to embark on isn't what I had ideally hoped for that I will be ultimately better off in the future.

The backpack is packed, the rest of the trash ready to be thrown out and the alarm is set for six in the morning. As my good friend Celina reminded me the other day, "If we are facing in the right direction, all that we need to do is keep walking."

Om Om.

Prolonged Anticipation

24 hours has passed and I have worked out a way to sleep on the floor of my apartment for just one more night, maybe even two if I can work it just right. I don't know what my attachment is to this place, it's not fancy, it's not big and it's not in a very good neighborhood. But for some reason, I am holding on as long as I can. I think that it's the view from my window overlooking south of Market Street. Honestly, it's the comfort, the security, and the familiarity.

The good news is that I have a couple of new leads for some freelance writing gigs, one from my friend in the UK and one from the internet hosting site that I have done some articles for before. Emails have been sent of some of my writing samples and we shall see what happens next.

Also, because I will be on the road for some time, my next task is to get a Post Office Box here in the City so that I can have some sense of stability and still be able to check my mail. If I don't make it another night here in the apartment, my next post will be from some unknown location most likely in the Tenderloin. Should be exciting or at least interesting nonetheless.

Peace, Peace.

24 Hours to Go

It’s official now. I have my reservation number for my new storage unit to store all of my belongings for the big move tomorrow. I knew that this day would be coming, but I am actually starting to become somewhat emotional because I have been living in this apartment for almost three years, the longest that I have ever lived in one place since I first left my family’s home to go to college. I had a dream last night that I was sleeping in the sand on Baker Beach and it didn’t seem so bad. The sand there is grainy and dark but still has softness to it nonetheless. There were also large logs that resembled driftwood and were perfect for hiding behind to find some rest. In my dream, I waited until everyone on the beach had left and gone to their homes and the sun set before I searched for the perfect place to spend the night. I didn’t have a sleeping bag or a pillow, but I did have a small blanket that I used to shelter my body from the cold. Not worried about the sand getting on my clothes, I laid down on the ground, used my backpack as a pillow and covered myself with the blanket and fell asleep.

When I awoke from my dream the next morning, the experience didn’t seem as glamorous as when I was asleep. However, it wasn’t out of the question for me in case what little money I had left ran out.

I have pretty much packed up everything in my apartment and put it into storage. However, I only had a small window of time to get everything out and without a car, it was extremely difficult. It looks like I am going to have “donate” my television, my microwave and bookshelves. For Thanksgiving, I squatted in my apartment knowing that the landlord’s office would be closed for the holiday. Thankfully, I am currently in a neighborhood that is quite diverse and there were plenty of Vietnamese and Chinese restaurants that are open for dinner on most American holidays.

So there I was, sitting on the floor of my almost empty apartment, eating greasy Chinese food and watching old reruns of The Office. While it might seem depressing, I have to admit, I was completely content and did my best to enjoy every minute of it in my soon to be former home. 24 more hours and my new adventure begins.

Countdown: Less Than 48 Hours to Go

It all comes down to this, the next few days where I pack up all of my life, put all of my possessions into storage somewhere on South Van Ness Avenue and move out of my apartment. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my apartment or even dislike the neighborhood that I live in; it all comes down to simple economics. I really don’t have any other choice. While I barely stayed awake during my microeconomics class in college with all of those graphs, diagrams and numbers, I did remember one valuable concept, supply and demand. I had ample supply of what I thought were ingenious anecdotes and writing samples, however, unfortunately there wasn’t as much demand for my musings as I had hoped for. Thusly, I have found myself at this important juncture in my life where I leave everything behind except for my brand new backpackers backpack and hit the road for a while.

One of my most favorite literary heroes would be proud of me if he knew of the journey that I was about to embark on, and for some reason, I wish to please Mr. Jack Kerouac with my decision to go ‘On the Road.’ I might even end up riding the rails just as he did, hoping to emulate his life experiences. Without the dying at age 47 from substance abuse of course but I think that you get the idea though. I’m turning 32 in a few weeks so I hope that I have longer to live than that. He did write some damn good novels based on his experience though, so maybe I can do the same thing. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that some good will come out of this, but most likely, it won’t matter because I know that this adventure for myself will do nothing but good. I can feel it in my bones and most importantly in my heart.

Eric has graciously agreed to drive down to San Francisco to help me with my move into the storage space and I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am for his help. It actually makes this transition much less lonely, which will be a good start for my journey.

After all of my things are safely secured in storage, I will take my backpack and search for a place to sleep for the night. This shouldn’t be that difficult here in San Francisco because as long as I don’t find myself sleeping in Golden Gate Park with hippie has-beens, living in a tent and smoking a bowl, I should be just fine. From this point on, I will do my best to make periodic updates as to my whereabouts and the adventure that I am excited to begin. Much love and peace.